Overcoming Vow Writer’s Block | Guest Blog Series

Guest Blog by Kate with Tapestry Event Co. A wedding & elopement planner based in Seattle with years of experience helping couple’s plan their authentic weddings. Today, she will be sharing helpful tips for writing your vows!

The decision to write your own vows is such a special one. Whether you’re getting hitched with 100+ guests in tow, or eloping in the mountains with no one but a photographer and officiant, the choice to bare your soul in this intimate manner can create a lot of excitement and a lot of stress. In our experience as wedding and elopement planners and officiants, most of the stress comes from writer’s block; not knowing what to say, how to say it, or how to get started on your vows. Let’s talk about ways to overcome writer’s block so you can be authentically self-expressed, seen, and embraced on your marriage day.

Play to your strengths

The key to any kind of wedding or elopement homework assignment is to play to your strengths. If it doesn’t feel natural, you’re going to avoid doing it until you run up against a deadline. The last thing you want to put off to the last minute is your handwritten promises to your partner. 

Whether you have a strong writing practice or no writing practice at all, you can write your own vows. The key is to put yourself in a place with tools that facilitate introspective thoughts. So think about where you have your deepest thoughts and reflections. Is it on a solo hike? In the car on a road trip? In the shower post-exercise? Start to notice where you have those spontaneous, deep thoughts.

Once you have your location(s) identified, put tools in place that help you capture your deep thoughts. For example:

• If you have deep thoughts on a solo hike, bring a journal and pen along! Plan time into your summit to take some deep breaths and reflect.
• If you have deep thoughts on a road trip, keep your phone handy for voice recordings! Put a book on tape or a playlist on that inspires you to think about your relationship, then pause and record your sentiments as you mentally digest them.
• If you have deep thoughts in the bath or shower post-exercise, keep a waterproof notepad nearby (yes, they do exist!). Take time to record your thoughts between shampoos.

Wherever you have your most introspective moments, put the tools in place to help you capture your thoughts in the moment so that they can happen organically. This will help you compile a bank of thoughts about your partner, your relationship, and your marriage so that you don’t have to go scrambling around for them all at once when it comes time to write your vows.

Bring intention to your process

The thoughts, responses, and answers that are drawn from within are always going to read as most meaningful and authentic, so it’s worth taking the time to investigate how to draw those inspired thoughts forward. I find that some of the most helpful, thought provoking tools I can lean into are journal questions, sample language, and prompts. Why are these so helpful?

• Journal questions start the conversation in your head by asking questions. Even if you don’t find the perfect questions, sometimes one question will lead you on a thought journey that ends up being productive for your writing.
• Sample language shows you an example of a complete thought. Whether you agree with that statement or not, it can help you form your own complete thought and show you how to put it on paper in a way that makes sense.
• Prompts are written to provoke a response. They are often formatted as challenging or controversial questions that encourage you to stake a claim or strongly react in written format.

Some of these writing tools may resonate more than others. Whether you’re looking in books or online to layer more intention into your vow writing process, try on each of these tools and notice which one(s) encourage you to put pen to paper.

Set aside time to pull it all together

We know that no one’s best writing is ever produced under pressure. Our hope is that, by putting yourself in thoughtful environments with the right kind of tools, you’ll set yourself up to generate plenty of meaningful thoughts and statements that you can pull together into vows. Even single sentences, one-word themes, and random stories can come together into the loveliest of marriage commitments. Take a few months to gather your reflections, no matter how seemingly unrelated they might be. 

Set a date (and perhaps a couple hours) to sit down with your gathered thoughts and assemble them into first draft vows. Review all those scraps of information and internalize the totality of your reflections. Look for common themes or ideas, stories you want to tell, or feelings you want to emphasize. Then get in the zone and give yourself the free space to put together a few pages of thoughts that you can revisit and refine in the coming months.

>>>Callout: If you’re looking for a complete vow writing resource that includes ALL of these tools and MORE, check out Tapestry Event Co.’s Vow Writing Workbook! <<<

Putting your own words to your history with, feelings for, and promises to your partner is an incredible choice to make on the day of your marriage. We cannot cheer you on enough! We hope this advice helps you break through the barrier of writer’s block so that you can joyfully create the promises that found your marriage.

With love,

Kate + the Tapestry team